The truth behind calorie labels
An elephant eats a Christmas tree at Tiergarten Schoenbrunn Zoo in Vienna. Fir trees left in the streets after Christmas are collected and offered as food to elephants at the zoo.
Picture: REUTERS/Lisi Niesner
On the Impracticality of the Cheeseburger
by Waldo Jaquith
A cheeseburger cannot exist outside of a highly developed, post-agrarian society. It requires a complex interaction between a handful of vendors—in all likelihood, a couple of dozen—and the ability to ship ingredients vast distances while keeping them fresh. The cheeseburger couldn’t have existed until nearly a century ago as, indeed, it did not.
1. Durian - Man, if you launch one of those big bumpy suckers via a giant slingshot into a peaceful sit-in, just watch as the protesters scatter, screaming and vomiting. Kinda like nerve gas. And the puke will provide justification to send in the Sanitation Department again for “hygenic reasons.”
2. Cabernet Sauvignon Vinegar - Put this incredibly strong acid in the hoses and point them at those OWS wusses, and they’ll be weeping the moment it gets into their eyes. Save the run-off for a vinaigrette to be used by Bloomberg’s private chef.
(“Possible Weaponizable Edibles” Copyright—Oliver Hamto 2011)